How to Make Friends in Your 20s

Struggling to understand how to make friends in your 20s? You’re not alone. Thousands of people search for answers to this very question every month.

Although common, feeling like you have no friends in your 20s can be incredibly isolating. As a 24-year-old, semi-recent graduate myself, I have first-hand experience of what it’s like to feel lonely, confused, and overwhelmed when facing the adult world.

Fortunately, I can now say I have adjusted to post-grad life and am excited to share my tips and pointers on how to make friends in your 20s.

Why is it Hard to Make Friends in Your 20s?

Before looking at how to make friends in your 20s, it can be validating to reflect on why forming new friendships as an adult can be so hard. While there’s no single answer, there are a few likely reasons why so many of us are finding it trickier than we would like.  Let’s take a look at some of the culprits:

Transitioning to a new environment

At some point in your 20s, it’s highly probable you will leave your hometown and move to a new city, or even country. While exciting, this chapter in your life can often leave you feeling lonely, particularly while you’re adjusting to your new environment

Not only do you have a new city to try and navigate, but you also likely have less free time to even attempt to make friends. With cooking, cleaning, laundry, and work – self-care activities like socialising can take a back seat. The consequence? You feel lonely, isolated, and wondering how to make friends in your 20s.

Lack of structure

From the moment you are born up until you graduate, your life has a predictable trajectory and solid structure. You probably go to school, perhaps attend college or university, and then step into the big wide world. No one is telling you what to do anymore, and while the freedom to choose our own path is something we yearn for growing up, the reality of it can be disorienting.

Without school or college, there are fewer built-in opportunities to form new connections. You may also lose touch with friends from previous chapters of your life and feel disconnected from your old way of life.

Changes in values

Your 20s are a period of self-discovery and growth. You begin to understand your values and how you like to spend your time. And, as you begin to live in alignment with your principles, your standards for friendship will probably rise.

Often during our teenage years, we want to be friends with everyone and we pay little attention to whether they share our deeper interests. Yet, as we grow up, we want to hang out with those who enjoy spending their time the same ways as we do. This shift can make it seem like it’s harder to find your tribe and leave you wondering how to make friends in your 20s.

How to Make Friends in Your 20s: Actionable Steps

While these factors can make forming friendships in your 20s harder, there are still an abundance of things you can do to meet new people and begin to build meaningful connections. They may require you to step out of your comfort zone, but, in my opinion, the potential rewards are worth it.

With that said, let’s look at how to make friends in your 20s:

Attend a workout class

Signing up to a workout class can be a super effective way to meet friends, particularly if you’re into fitness. A workout class is an energised, positive, and goal-oriented environment full of people high on endorphins, which is pretty much the perfect storm for making like-minded friends.

Plus, if all goes well, you’ll have a fitness buddy to hold you accountable and keep you motivated to workout. Whether it’s a run club, Pilates class, or HIIT session, try signing up to one in your local area and making small talk – you never know what could happen.

Volunteer

Not only is volunteering a good thing to do, but it can also be a great way to make friends. In fact, you’ll probably meet a lot of people volunteering who do it for that very reason. If you volunteer for something you’re passionate about, you’ll already have some common ground with the people you meet.

Volunteering is also a way to diversify your friendship circle, as you’ll likely encounter people from all different walks of life.  This can be a super life-enriching experience in itself, and it will help you grow as a person as well as make new friends.

Use friendship apps / join online groups

While living in a hyper-digital time has its pitfalls when it comes to social connection, it also has its benefits. There are countless social media platforms and apps designed to help you meet like-minded people IRL.

For example, Facebook has a huge number of online groups where you can chat and meet people from all over the world. When I was considering going travelling, I joined a group designed specifically for girls who travel. After just one post, I had a ton of comments from people offering me advice and inviting me out. It was really encouraging and opened my eyes to how hospitable and welcoming people are, as well as how many people were in the same boat as me.

On top of this, there are now specialised apps made for helping you meet friends – kind of like a dating app without the pressure of anything romantic. Here are a few to consider:

Go on Solo Dates

So the idea of going on a solo date to make friends sounds a little contradictory. However, as paradoxical as it might sound, going out on your own can actually be a really effective way of making friends.

Not only are you increasing your likelihood of a chance-encounter, but being on your own can help you seem more approachable. I don’t know about you, but I’m far more likely to strike up a conversation with someone on their own than a whole group. It just feels a little less intimidating.

Check out my self-date ideas article for some inspiration!

Small Talk

Some of us love it, some of us hate it, but you probably have to do it if you want any of the suggestions above to work out. Admittedly, this is a more general point, but it’s absolutely crucial if you want to make friends in your 20s. As frustrating as it might be, there’s no point in going to a workout class or volunteering if you’re not going to strike up conversations with a stranger.

It’s easy to assume that simply putting yourself out there will automatically lead to friendships. This is totally possible. However, sometimes we have to be the ones to get the ball rolling.

I understand this can be nerve-wracking, especially if small talk doesn’t come to you. If this is the case, start small by complimenting someone as you pass them by – there’s no expectation to have a full-fledged conversation here, and everyone likes a genuine, non-creepy compliment. Then work your way up to starting casual conversations in situations where you’re already sharing a common activity or goal.

I think it’s best to approach small talking with strangers with a ‘whatever happens, happens’ mindset. All goes well and you have a lovely conversation with a stranger (and possibly make a friend?). Great. Nothing comes of it or it feels a little awkward? You’ll probably never have to see them again.  What matters is that you’re putting the effort in, and with consistent effort comes reward.

Final Thoughts

Figuring out how to make friends in your 20s is hard and a lot of us struggle to do it, so don’t beat yourself if it doesn’t happen straight away. In the meantime, channel your energy into something you’re passionate about. Often we feel the loneliest when we’re bored, so preoccupying yourself in the meantime can be a great way to alleviate feelings of isolation.

If you do try any of these suggestions out, leave a comment and let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Tori